i now pronounce you, husband and wifi
It ain’t true love until you kiss after oral
She seems to think just because she’s a month old today she can just stay up and change my goddamn channels.
IT MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY WHEN PEOPLE REFER TO ME AS THEIR FRIEND WHOA. FRIEND
Nominated for an Emmy. Finally Regina gets some of the recognition the she deserves!
Are you serious right now? I’m a fully certified neurosurgeon. I can break into people’s heads and rewire their brains and tamper with their memory, no problem. But this? This juice box? This sugary drink marketed for eight year olds? No. Sticking a straw into this juice container is apparently just too much for me to handle without fucking it up. I’m done. I quit. Goodbye.
porn logic: wow i spilled my drink on him i better take off his pants and suck his dick
My boyfriend is taking me out to dinner, and I did my hair and makeup nicely, chose to wear a skirt, Cannibal Corpse shirt & Doc Martens, and if that doesn’t completely sum me up idk what will.
Whoever invented the knock knock joke deserves a no bell prize
I don’t remember learning the words to Bohemian Rhapsody, I think I just born knowing them